THE “CYCLE OF CHANGE” 5TH, 6TH AND 7TH WEEK.

The 5th week was about the change. When I read the week’s questions, I couldn’t answer them. I felt that my goal is too vague and it is hard to measure if there are any results. I felt it would be easier to change my goal, for example instead try to manage my social media usage. I was already doing it and with that I saw results. My mentor told me that it isn’t good idea to change the goal and that I don’t see the results because change is already part of my life. It was true, because my mental health had actually improved – these last months have been hard, because a lot of bad things have happened, but I felt that it was easier for me to cope with them than before. I also made some changes in my life. I made a to-do list where there were not things I like but duties about cleaning my home.  My doctor once said that I should only take on tasks that I manage to do, so there won’t be a relapse. I thought that it is easier not to take any tasks, then I won’t fail, but I felt that I should have some duties, because I can’t be in a victim role again. I also took on extra work. Before I had 3-4 hour workdays and I could choose when I would go. I wanted to know if I can manage with a fixed schedule and longer days. Now I am giving free days to one worker once a week, it is a 12-hour day. I was a little anxious that maybe I won’t manage, but I have and people have said that I am doing well. 

The 6th week was about self-belief. I didn’t answer the questions, because I really don’t have any self-belief and there were also questions about supporters. My biggest supporter lost a loved one and that person was also important to me. When I saw question about supporters, it made me sad, so I didn’t want to look at them. This week I noticed that most of my activities for my mental health are duties. I didn’t do any of those things which were in that list about things I like – reading blogs, books and other things like that and I didn’t do long walks with my dog anymore in the mornings, I just made it quickly so I could do more duties instead. I started to do these things again and then I was happier and my dog too. I also managed to control my social media usage – I made some rules, for example I wasn’t allowed to use social media in the morning. It was good for me, I managed to make myself proper breakfast and go to work earlier. 

The 7th week was about results and it was very good. I felt that my cup was so full that I could pour something for others too. We had national holidays in Estonia and my partner wanted to stay out late and be with his friends. Usually I am irritated when I have to be home alone with my kid at night, because my drugs make me sleepy and then it is hard for me when I want to sleep but my kid doesn’t. This week it wasn’t a problem at all, I even encouraged him to be as long as he wants. I also managed to answer most of the questions. One was: “Which are the three biggest changes or positive things in my life?”. These are: I am a happier, more confident, peaceful and understanding person. My home is a lot cleaner. I am managing my social media usage. I also had to make an action plan for sustaining my change. 

Action plan:

  • To try to have a some kind of routine in my life
  • To continue with activities which fill my cup
  • To try to learn more about the Notion app, so I could get more help from it 
  • To try to improve my eating habits
  • To try to keep my home clean
  • To continue with my change and to write an analysis about it once a month (At the beginning I wrote down twice a month but I think once is enough)

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