My hairbrush was missing. Again. I was heading out the door and wanted to go to work. I need my hairbrush, because I have to wash myself after work and then I need to brush my hair. 

I started looking for it – it wasn’t in any of those places where it usually is. After searching for a while I got angry. I called my partner, he didn’t know where it was. I started looking again from the beginning. Then I got mad, because the hallway was so messy. My hairbrush is usually in the kitchen on the microwave, or in the hallway on the commode. Sometimes it falls down and is on the floor. One of my cats sleeps on the tall cupboard and then things fall down. I did put my shoes there, they were in boxes and all the boxes were on the floor and shoes everywhere. He uses a commode to jump there and then stuff what is on the commode falls down as well. 

There was a lot of stuff on the floor in the hallway, I thought that was the reason why I couldn’t find my hairbrush. I got so mad that I decided – cat won’t be allowed on the cupboard ever again. I took the little commode and moved it to the bedroom. I still didn’t find my hairbrush, I kicked some boxes with my feet, because I was so angry. I called my partner again, went to the kitchen and the table was so messy. I felt that I wanted to throw something, I took a lid from the table – and there was my hairbrush. Under the lid. Then I yelled at my partner that I hate  our home, because it is so messy and there is not enough space where to put things and that’s the reason why everything is missing. 

I took my brush and started to drive to work. I have to go three times a week, but hours are flexible, I can go whenever during work hours, I usually have to work 2-4 hours at a time. So there wasn’t a case that I would be late. My emotions were so high, so I decided to go to the shop and buy some comfort food. 

When I reached the store, I decided to buy a second hairbrush. I wanted to buy a second one a while ago – so one would be at home and one at work – because sometimes when it is not missing, then I just forgot to put it in my bag. But I didn’t like the brushes in stores. I thought of ordering the same brush I have, which is the best brush I have ever had – Macadamia Natural Oil No Tangle brush. But I didn’t because I didn’t need anything else and it felt pointless to order just one thing and I hadn’t lost or forgot my brush for some time. 

In the store I went straight to where brushes were. I didn’t like those and I couldn’t decide which one to take – but I knew I had to buy one, no matter what. When I had made my decision, then I noticed that there is another one which reminds me of the one I have and I liked this one better than others. I bought the one I saw last. It is not as good as Macadamia brush, but it does it’s job. I bought some food also, ate it in the parking lot, calmed down and went to work. 

I have had anger issues all my life. Anger is one of the symptoms of manic episodes. I want to control my emotions – but emotional eating is not the way to do it. I have started to think of the reason that made me angry – and is there something I can do to prevent the same thing happening again. Today the solution was to buy a second hairbrush. I hope that my brush drama won’t happen ever again. 

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