“THE CYCLE OF CHANGE” – 2ND WEEK

At the beginning of 2nd week I had a difficult time because of my mental health problems. In the evening of Wednesday (the first day of our cycle week) I told myself that I have to pull myself together and do more. Thursday should have been my day off, I only had to go to vaccinate and thought I would do so much stuff. When me and my partner were waiting to get vaccinated, the kindergarten teacher called and told us that our kid is sick. He had a runny nose and little fever. After vaccination we brought him home and I had to change all my plans. 

I really don’t remember much from the beginning, I know that I did gardening and walking with my dog on Thursday and Friday. This week I am writing down notes, so I would remember. On Saturday I read a book which was written by Estonian young woman, who has bipolar disorder. At first it was hard to read, but in the end I felt better. I thought I was a failure, but actually there are so many things I have already accomplished in my life. I used to blame myself for stopping my treatment, but she also did that and I felt better, because I am not the only one. This book gave me so much hope for the future. 

I also watched some movies, listened to my favourite music, cleaned my home, did a little cooking – I haven’t really cooked lately, just eaten sandwiches or bought some food that I just had to warm up. On the weekend I drove around with my family in the neighbourhood – I like to discover the nearest places, because I used to live in different part of our country and I would like to know my surroundings. On Saturday an essential oils retreat began, I won it as a prize. I have tried different oil therapies. It is hard to see the effect with so little time, but I will get some oils for myself, so I could try those therapies again. 

I tried to answer this week’s questions – those were about supporters and motivators. My biggest motivator is my kid – I want to be a good mother to him. At the beginning I wrote down that I want to change because of me, my partner and my kid, but now it is complicated with my partner – I think we both need to change some things, but I am not sure he wants to and this is the reason why he isn’t my motivator anymore. I’m not sure if I have supporters either – I have told some people that I am doing it, but no one hasn’t really asked how it is going. I get support from our group and it is also a motivator – when I lose focus and I think of this program, I try to pull myself together and do better. 

Monday and Tuesday I forgot that I want to control my social media usage, I was chatting so much and didn’t really do any other stuff. Chatting with people who make me feel good is also on the list of things for improving my mental health, but I want to control it, so I wouldn’t chat all day. I think I am addicted, because I check my phone so often. I also forgot to do some things that make me feel good, for example reading a blog which I found recently. Wednesday began a new week and I have managed to control my social media usage and I wrote a list of things that make me feel good – I now check it every day and try to do some of those each day. 3rd week seems promising so far, but there is over half of it left, so we’ll see how it went, when I write my next post. 

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