Do you sometimes feel that the universe tries to tell you something? 

Last week there was a lot of unexpected stuff that pushed me down when I had just gotten up. I got up again and felt really good yesterday and this morning. My favourite activity is to walk with my dog in nature – on the fields and in the forests. Today I wanted to go to the route which was my favourite several years ago. It is on the fields, in some places there are bushes and little trees and there is also a forest near the fields. 

I usually listen to nature sounds – the wind and birdsong, but today I wanted to listen to the music. I was walking with my dog, thinking my thoughts and then suddenly there was a bear in front of us. I stopped and didn’t know what to do. I knew that I shouldn’t run. Bear was staring and went to the bushes. I started walking back. Then I looked again and it had come out of the bushes and was staring at us again. I started running, I didn’t really care that I shouldn’t. Luckily it didn’t follow us. 

I have never met a bear in nature. I have only seen it from the car or bus window so I really haven’t been afraid to go to forests. But now I don’t know anymore if I will go, because when I walked home, I was so afraid that maybe there is another bear who comes out from other bushes. I looked at the map and found that the bear was only 300m from the nearest cottage area and 1.5km from our cottage. The distance between me and the bear was about 100 meters, so not very close, but it was enough for me to be frightened. 

My doctor said to me that I should make promises to myself, but only those that I am able to keep. I haven’t really promised anything. I promised that I won’t stop my treatment again and I have kept it. Another one was that I will be more confident, follow my walking route and won’t change it no matter what. I used to change my route if there were some neighbours who I didn’t like and wanted to avoid or some strangers, because they made me anxious. It seems that I broke that promise today but I think it wasn’t a good idea to follow my route if there was a bear on it. 

Now it feels like the universe is trying to ruin my “The Cycle of Change program”, because all the things from last week and now it is trying to take away my favourite activity. But I am going to fight it. I can walk with my dog in more habited areas and maybe someday I get over my fear and will go to the forests as well. Universe is also fighting hard. My child had a runny nose and it had just ended. He should have gone to kindergarten tomorrow and I had plans, but now he threw up. It seems like he has a stomach bug, so he stays home for a few days and I have to postpone my plans again. 

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